Sunday, April 1, 2012

Entry 3

A Piece of Work

So in celebration of finishing this

(Ain’t he pretty)

and finishing my edits, I have decided to post a little snippet of my writing. Even though it’s not a book review or anything I decided sure why not. I hope someone out there finds this entertaining. Tell me what you think, and if you have any tips please share them.

(This is my original work and NOT for public domain)

A scene from Pan's POV (The boy in the picture). 

            The bell tower rang signifying class was over. I got up from my seat in a daze, walked into the noisy halls, and into the bathroom.  The stalls were all empty, and when the door behind me closed the noise in the halls were muffled. I needed the quiet right now. I shrugged out of the itchy wool jacket and hung it over one of the stall door before I headed to one of the sinks to turn it on. I turned the water off when the basin was filled. My hands cupped the water. I stared at before I just stuck my face into the basin itself . The cold water stung a little, and the bubbles gurgled passed my ears to the surface. I stayed like this for a moment waiting to finally be pulled out of this fog. Things would be clear if I could just wash it away, if only it was that easy.
            I still doubted whether what I saw was actually real.  I was looking for signs that would tell me it I was really seeing things, maybe I just thought up the professors too. It was just like the cloaked figure wasn’t it? I had made it all up. The air in my lungs ran out so I retreated back to the surface. Drops dripped off my nose into the sink. I told myself I would get some sleep tonight, that would be all to make the illusions go away. When I lifted my gaze to the mirror on the wall, I stumbled backwards. My reflection had been replaced by the cloaked figure with its eyes glowing red.
            “Bit of a jumpy thing aren’t you?” it said with a laugh.
             “I told you to go away,” I said trying to mask the fear in my tone with authority.
            “You thought me up, I told you I’d be around if you did,” it said pressing its hand up against the glass as if the mirror. It gave the mirror a little tap with its finger. The glass shattered, and it attempted to crawl through the mirror.
            “No, no, stay in there,” I said backing away.
            The red eyes rolled as it placed one foot in the sink for support. Its cloak had snagged on a shard of glass that was still stuck on the edge of the mirror frame, and it was having a hard time trying to get the cloak out, “I told you, I’m not going to hurt you.”
            “Actually, no, you never said that.”
            “Really? Thought I did,” It said dropping down to the bathroom floor once the cloak was free.
            “No, you didn’t,” I said.
            “Well in that case I’m not going to hurt you at this moment,” it said.
            “That’s a bit of a relief-,” The thing cut me off.
            “I’m just going to kill you,” It took a long pause before it added, “Eventually.”
            “Alright now when you say things like that I start to get a little weary.”
            “Well you are short of a pansy.”
            “What’s that suppose to mean?”
            “You can’t face the inevitable, I’m going to kill you eventually. Not right now, but maybe an hour from now, or tomorrow, or it could be years from now. You just need to accept your going to be murdered and go with it. Nothing you can do about it mate.”
            “What did I do to make you so angry?” I asked.
            “Nothing, you are just what you were meant to be. A replacement. Problem is you were a replacement for something that didn’t really need to be replaced,” It picked up a shard of glass. 
            “Who was I meant to replace?” I asked eyeing the door. I could have left, I should have left. It was all in my head so why couldn’t I just make it disappear and get on with my day?
            The distance between the thing and me I was trying to keep grew smaller.
            “Who you ask? Who?” it said laughing.  I found its hand clutching my shoulder, immediately I tried to pull away. The thing was stronger then me despite being the same size. So it was able to pin me up against the wall.
            “The who your asking of, is me,” it said in a low tone.
            “But your not real,” I said. I saw its sharp teeth appear one by one until I was looking at a row of knives formed into a twisted smile.
            “Remember when I told you I wasn’t going to hurt you at this moment?”
            I nodded.
            “Well, the moment’s over.”
            Before the fear even dawned on me, I felt a sharp sting in my side. Stunned I looked down and saw a shard of glass sticking in my side. I cringed when the thing pulled the glass out.
            “You’ve pissed me off enough already,” it said dropping the glass into my pocket, “So I wouldn’t be pushing it if I were you.”
            It pulled my jacket off the stall door, shoved it into my limp arms, and pushed me towards the sink full of water. My face hit the water. I felt my eyes bulged out of my head as my lungs burned like a flame was roaring inside them. I found myself breathing in the water willingly as if I was purposefully trying to drown myself. Wait? No stop this! I screamed at myself. I lifted my head out of the sink warring over coughing out the water and gasping for air. My hands smacked the wall above the sink clawing at the bricks. Wait above the sink? I looked up still coughing. The mirror, it was gone. 
            I jumped when I heard one of the stall doors swing open. Someone was here? They saw all that? I spun around, but all I saw was the stall door swinging open and close without anyone exiting or going into it. When it opened I saw the mirror laying on the floor with the shards of glass all set on it. I should just leave now, I thought, I shouldn’t look, it’s probably nothing any way. My thoughts didn’t match my actions though. Slowly I walked over to the swinging door, my staggered breath becoming shorter. I caught the door as it swung open, and looked down at the mirror in the stall.
            The broken shards of glass were organized so they formed a message within the frame.
                                                “CUT THE PRETENDER OUT.”
            Did I do this? Why? I noticed the little bit of blood, my blood, smeared on some of the shards. I looked at my hands and arms to see fresh cuts covering the layers of old scar tissue. I felt my side where that thing had stabbed me. Sticky blood stained my shirt.  How long was I here after that-no it didn’t stab me that didn’t happen. My stitches, from when the guards stabbed me, they broke. So why was there a hole in my shirt over the wound? Because I snagged myself on something, a piece of glass maybe, and it tore the stitches too. That was the answer, it had to be. The message on the mirror stared at me, mocking me. How could I logically explain that?
            I kicked the mirror over destroying the words written with the glass. Suddenly the door opened I turned around and saw Pesky standing there eyes wide.



  1. great blog post. now I finally get to read some of your work. (LOVED it) :)))

    just a few ideas to take into consideration (I'm not really a good writer, so you may want to ignore these :P):
    "hand up against the glass as if the mirror."- wording is a little complicated.
    "are short of a pansy" -you mean sort?
    "despite being the same size" -not really necessary in context. being able to hold someone in place isn't always determines by size.
    Also, for the last bit, depending on time period, modern stitches for a majority of wounds are nearly impossible to snag/pull out without medical tools. if the stitches did get pulled out (any time period stitches), oh god would it be messy. XD

    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Thanks, this helps a lot. The stitches are gonna need some further research on my part when I have time. I'll probably have to pick up a book on medical practices during a certain time period. Thanks for pointing this out though it helps a lot.

    1. yay, i helped :) message me if you need any questions about medical practices or injuries or whatever, I can probably find/have had experience with the info you need. :)

  3. Awesome picture Jenna! You are so talented, i'm envious. lol
    I knew it was a picture of Pan! And the colors of the picture go great with the background of the blog! Ok, enough about the picture. On to the writing. One thing I just said: “Alright now when you say things like that I start to get a little weary.”... I think, I may be wrong, but I think you meant to say wary. Not weary. But I could be wrong. That's all I'll say in the editing department, David seems to have given you some good tips regarding that.

    Now about the story...So whenever this cloaked figure arrives, I get so confused. I just want to know what/who he is and what he's doing and why he's there and you just don't give me enough information! But I think that's how you want it to be, and if it is, then you are doing a good job! I just want to read more so I can have my questions answered!

    1. Don't worry they will eventually. Thanks for pointing out wary.